Sunday, July 22

Excuse - {Cherry Chunk Ice Cream}

"You're young," they tell me.

Half consolation and half subject change, it's a granted and simple excuse that I, frankly, don't like.

I mean, maybe it's true. I admit that being 21 contributes to a lot of stupid choices and confusion - sober and otherwise. The details are largely unimportant, but, you know, the combination of late nights and early mornings can really take a mental and physical toll on a person.


However, as I've said before, it's worth it to me. I try to stuff every second of my free time with fodder for good memories, even at the expense of sleep and proper nutrition (cue 2AM burgers). I've made a habit of staying up/out later than I should on weeknights with friends and pulling all-nighters between the end of my Friday night shift and the start of my morning shift on the following day. I'm frequently exhausted, often running on endorphins, and - on one or two memorable occasions - maybe sort of a teensy bit hungover. Maybe.

At any rate, I am beginning to think that this cognitive cocktail of functional statuses is partially to blame for this early-20's-crisis that I'm having.

You see, I've always taken everything seriously. I was that kid who reveled in her parents telling her she was 13-going-on-30 and got a serious thrill out of being told I was mature. I had fun, but within boundaries. I always asked to leave the house, stuck to my curfew, played it safe, and kept mostly to myself.

Except, suddenly, I'm not doing all of those things. I'm not necessarily acting immature, but I've really accepted independence and am doing things that, any other year, would have seemed out of my comfort zone. As much as I'm sure it will kill my mother and grandparents to read this (hi guys! Love ya!), I leave the apartment without consulting anyone, go for late night walks, and cross streets without holding anyone's hand.

Sometimes I even j-walk. I don't always wait for the "walking man," either.

On a more "serious" note: as I struggle with the fact that I have no idea what my life will be like a year from now [when I graduate], I begin to understand the desire of my peers to party. I understand the want for a boyfriend and the "security" that comes with it, but also the thirst for anonymity and singleness - to better suit my dream of just experiencing life as just myself. And food. As much as it pains me, I am cultivating a palette for things I could never bring myself to eat or enjoy before, as late night trips to Rally's and Menna's and Conrad's become the norm. With all of this in mind, I feel as though I've finally descended (ascended?) into the college lifestyle and I'm just not sure how I feel about it.


I don't want to be immature, but the 21-year-old me sure as hell doesn't want to be a completely responsible adult as much as my 13-year-old self did. I'm finding comfort in things I never liked and questioning the things I love. I feel like the tables are turning and maybe I'm losing control, if only a little.

Overall, I'm happy, but I'm also kind of lost. I'm optimistic, but I'm more confused than anything. I've realized how hard it is to know what you want when you have no idea where you're headed, and that some choices, regardless of contingency, are significantly more important than others.

But I'm having fun, so there's that at least. And hey, I'm young.

Maybe that really does sum it up in the cleanest way possible.

Cherry Chunk Ice Cream adapted from BraveTart (who was recently named one of America's best new pastry chefs by Food and Wine!)
I'm providing this recipe only in weight measurements as Stella posted it herself. It's best to keep the ratios accurate and scales make baking/cooking WAY faster anyway. She suggested reserving the vanilla seeds in her recipe, but I like to leave them in.

This ice cream is silky, soft and scoopable right out of the fridge. I'm terrified I'm going to eat it all myself! Makes about 1/2 quart.

Printable Recipe

5 oz cream
5 oz whole milk
1/2 vanilla bean (substitute 1 tsp vanilla extract if you don't have beans)
3 oz egg yolks (from between 3-5 eggs, depending on size)
3 oz sugar
1/8 tsp kosher salt
1 tbsp cornstarch
1/2 c water
1 1/2 c halved and pitted sweet cherries
1/4 c crunchy granola

Combine the milk, cream and vanilla bean in a medium pot (but not vanilla extract if that's what you're using - we'll add that later!). Bring to a simmer, then turn off the heat and cover the pot. Allow to steep for one hour or up to 24 hours, storing the pot in the fridge if you plan to store for more than 4 hours.

After steeping, return the dairy to a simmer. When it is warmed, squeeze the juice out from the bean into the pot and set the bean aside to dry (I like to put them in my sugar).

While you wait for the dairy to come to a simmer, whisk together the yolks, sugar and salt in a medium bowl. Gradually add the simmering dairy to the yolk mixture, a ladle at a time, whisking constantly so that the eggs don't cook. After adding about half of the cream and when the egg mixture is warm, return it to the pot and drop the heat to medium. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula until the mixture has thickened, being sure to scrape the edges and the bottom to prevent curdling.

After it has thickened, shut off the heat and strain the custard through a sieve into a larger bowl. Press plastic wrap to the surface and refrigerate overnight.

After preparing the custard (or concurrently, if you like), combine the water and cornstarch in a small pot. When no lumps remain, add the cherries, cover the pot and cook on medium heat until the cherries are quite soft, stirring occasionally, about 15-20 minutes. Remove the top and reduce the liquid until quite thick. Cool and whisk into the chilled custard base, along with the vanilla extract.

When you are ready, process your custard in an ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s directions. Fold in the granola at the very end and freeze until solid.

17 comments:

  1. I can relate to this - not the ice cream, though that looks delicious, but at 29 years old I feel like for the first time I've fully come into the person I'm supposed to be and I have no idea how to handle myself now that I don't feel the need to be told what to do or focus on others. Stick with your path and ride it through, and know it's right, and it's okay, even if it's not what others want for you.

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    1. Thank you so much, Ashe. It's nice not to be alone. Your comment means a lot!

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  2. As a 36 year old pondering on life as it is vs how I thought it would be, and on my fast approaching 40s, I would recommend you to read this: http://amidprivilege.com/2009/04/fierce-at-50-when-you-are-20-or-30-2/

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    1. Thank you for the link! I loved it. Made me feel better, too!

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  3. Speaking as an old curmudgeon (just turned 58) I remember all of what you're going through. Nothing in my life has turned out as I thought as a kid or planned as a collegian. But a lot of stuff has turned out better. As for the single vs. boyfriend question - don't ever go for security. Find someone who wants to go through life sharing your experiences and not limiting them. I didn't until I was almost 40 and boy am I glad I finally found her. Keep making sweet things, you sweet thing. You're brightening a lot of lives.

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    Replies
    1. I just learned a new word! Thanks for that ;)

      Thanks, too, for your comforting comment. It is much appreciated!

      I'm glad that you found her too.

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  4. OMG!!! This looks just like Ben & Jerry's, only better!!!! Can't wait to make it at home... Thank you!!!

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  5. Dear Daughter, I was afraid you were crossing the street without holding someones hand! But now I find out you are going to Rally's, on your own accord! Obviously you have lost all Control!

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  6. What an ice cream recipes! This is one of my favorites. I need to try making it on my own.

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  7. Are you sure you are 21? Reading your post, I am sure you are one of the most rational, level headed people I have known (though virtually). and this ice cream is a winner. This alone, is a guarantee...You will make it big! Thanks for sharing...Keep posting.

    Myfudo here...Normally we'd never put a shameless plug back to us, but we just launched our new site and we would love for you to be a part of it. I'd love to share our newest launch with you, I hope you don't mind? Now that we are getting a new look...Myfudo is moving to a new domain http://www.yumgoggle.com This has been a project we have been working on for almost a year now. We just launched our new gallery submission site, and we are just thrilled. We’d be proud to have your work as part of our growing collection to continue to have a larger reach and further inspire all fellow food lovers out there! Please sign up and check us out (it's free) http://www.yumgoggle.com/gallery
    We look forward to seeing your wonderful pictures, as always.
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  8. This post looks so familiar to me. At 25, I'm finally beginning to let go of some ideas that the strangely-mature-13-year-old-me had. As you said, it's not that I've gone crazy and started doing things that'll "ruin my life"; but its liberating and also kind of confusing when our opinions change so much, when all that seemed right just doesn't feel right anymore, and all that once was wrong suddenly doesn't feel wrong at all.
    I'm trying to keep balance. I can't and don't want to change back to the super-timid-old-me, but I also don't want to risk it all (at least without some planning) to make the changes that I now desperately want for my life. I'm keeping my current "safe job" (9-to-5, soul-eating, but pays the bills) for a while, but on the backstage I'm working on my own business project.
    As for relationships, I'll admit: I've met my first boyfriend at 22. It was awkward growing up as apparently the only "forever alone" teenager in a world where 12-year-old girls are getting pregnant... But it was worth the wait. After 3 years, we've been through a lot together, and our relationship is not about one completing the other ("soulmates" and other romantic gibberish), but about two people sharing the good and the bad on the journey towards their dreams.
    Anyway, sorry for the long comment. I hope you can sort of figure things out! =)

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    1. Carolina, there is absolutely no need to apologize! This was a comforting comment, for sure! I appreciate that you shared this with me - it's good to not be alone.

      I am glad things are working out for you and wish you the best in your business project!

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  9. A lot of us seem to be feeling the same way about our lives since I'm not the only one commenting on this thought-provoking post of yours. I just turned 24 years old and am out in the real world with no idea about my career, even though I received a degree in biology after 4 years of undergrad. I'm just going with the flow and living each day to the fullest, because that is truly all I can do. With no knowledge of my future or where life will take me in the next week, month, or year, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone in this feeling. I've read every single blog post you've written; I have a stack of recipes to try and a brain full of thoughts to process. Thanks for being such a wonderful writer. Thanks for making me one very hungry girl. And thanks for doing what you do! It is much appreciated!

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    1. Sarah, thank you for you kind comment. I can imagine that it's scary to have graduated and not be sure what's next. I'm afraid for that part of my journey.

      I wish you all the best!

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  10. I'm 27 and I still don't want to be a grown up! :-)
    On another note, this ice cream looks seriously delicious, love the combination of chocolate and cherry.

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  11. Hey! I am so glad I checked on your blog because it is coming at the peeeerrrfect time. I'm newly 21 ALSO making all kinds of decisions lately, some I'm proud of, some not quite so much. I feel like this is honestly the scariest year of my life!!

    I mean, it's the last year of college. So many decisions! I've been so torn about applying to grad school vs. working vs. something else! While I'm honestly incredibly overwhelmed with all, my friends also demand an insane year of awesomeness and irresponsibility.

    I feel like this exact moment, at least for me... being 21 and at this point where the world truly is your oyster is so scary. I feel my heart, mind, soul, and body are being pulled in so many directions. I'm afraid of making mistakes and fear regret.I'm afraid to disappoint myself and to disappoint others. But you know, at the end of the day, I think I'm really trying to come to terms with the fact that I DON'T need to have it all figured out. I think this quote is really great:

    "Everything you want is coming. Relax and let the universe pick up the timing and the way. You just need to trust that what you want is coming, and watch how fast it comes."
    Abraham Hicks

    Anyway, sorry for the ramble! Your blog is great and I'm glad there are others in the same exact boat!

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  12. You're preaching to the choir. I'm that good kid that you're talking about. I would rather sit at home, drink tea and bake on a saturday night. I feel a little sad for me, but I dont like the whole club scene and I dont like hangovers. I've had them, once every few months I'll forget that I'm a terrible drinker and wreck myself, only to find myself back at square one. Embrace the sensibility!

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Thanks so much for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts!

If you have any questions, please feel free to email them to me at kaitlin@whisk-kid.com.

Have a great day!